Patience and time is something you need to take on board. A strain or tear like a hernia is always going to take along time. The same goes for a bone-tendon attachment area. The tissues healing is not going to be as great as it was before the injury and the likelihood or reinjury is therefore increased. Your physio should be able to provide you with a progressive regimen for improving your stability in the area whilst protecting the weakened structures. The plan depends on your full physical assessment e.g. lumbar mobility, pelvis control on the lumbar spine and about the hip joint. Balance of hip rotations and therefore muscle function in structures like piriformis and functional mobility of psoas etc.

I am not sure why you were so irritable about the first assessment. Seems they did diagnose it as a hernia type tear. One that they suggested was not worth operating on (at that time) but correct in their assumptions. Now it seems an adductor tendon injury is also present which may have happened at the time if you hooked you legs under the rower bar to help you sit up (if not perhaps that was an injury that occurred at a different time?).

p.s. 20kgs is now so much for the chest press but an additional 40kgs of upper bodyweight on the abdominal region when sitting up is perhaps a large load compared to what those muscles and fascia are used to!